This was my comment to myself this morning. On my walk with Fenway (our awesome dog - the first of the season!) I realized that in some ways my emotional behavior is no better than it was when I was 22 than it is at 36. I'm not talking just with food, but with people and relationships. I am a people junkie. I love to know people, be invited places by people, be social, have lots of people read my blog (haha!). I know this is a product of my very unsocial childhood and lonely adolescence where I was accepted into a group of friends, but I was noone's "BFF!"
In my 20's when I was working and meeting people, anytime people went out, I went along. It didn't matter if I didn't like the activity. I went! I also was a Chatroom queen, making "friends" all over the country. (Remember, this is Pre-Facebook!) So I had a string of friends that were really acquaintances. Fast forward to today. I joined that book club last October and have met some great people. We do stuff together, but I realized that I am having those junkie feelings again. I'm trying to decide about swim lessons for the kids and I thought "Oh, I can't really do Saturdays because what if the book club girls want to do something...." Oh, Jodie...I haven't come so far in the last 15 years.
That desire for love and acceptance goes much deeper than weight. So I am trying to put my foot down on myself from doing this. I am going to New England for 4 days at the end of April, and I am going to do my darnedest to keep the ball in my court and not try to change my plans to accommodate everyone else. I am just as important. My life is just as important. I must stop waiting for everyone and just live my life.