Thursday, September 30, 2010

What makes me do it or NOT do it?

I'm pondering right now what makes me motivated to go to the gym and why I can't stay motivated. I've talked about the switch mentality...where for months I can go and be happy and motivated at the gym and then in one moment dread every second. The switch was turned off. Right now I am like a kid playing with the lights, On off, on off, on off....etc. Some days I'm on, then I'm off...Monday I worked out and ate well. Tuesday I ate well until the end of the day...Wednesday - switch off...Today..well it's undecided, but probably is in the off position based on how I'm currently feeling.

It's kind of maddening....stay motivated lose 50 lbs...lose motivation gain 50 lbs...get motivation back....I think I need some duct tape for my switch...anyone else?

Tuesday, September 28, 2010



Rigidity (psychology), an obstacle to problem solving which arises from over-dependence on prior experiences

This is what I'm working on in life and through therapy. Recognizing when other people are too rigid and recognizing when I, myself, am too rigid and how to deal with it in a way that doesn't make me depressed.

Recognizing it in others is a good thing because I've always been the type of person that would question my own opinions based on someone else's regardless of whether they were too rigid or not. I've had to learn to relax a bit. Sometimes it is simple things like forcing a kid to eat food they hate. Someone who was watching my kids once made my daughter sit at the dinner table because she wouldn't swallow the food she was given. She wouldn't offer an alternative and she wouldn't let her spit it out. Eventually she gagged and then was allowed to spit it out, but wasn't given another choice. (This person has rarely watched my kids since and when she did I brought the kids food already made). At first I questioned my parenting...I don't do that? Should I do that? Am I a terrible mother for NOT making my children swallow things they don't like? Other people's rigidity can make me crazy doubt myself. I'm starting to be able to say. "That's great if it works for you, but that's not the way I do it, and that's okay!" It's a work in process.

I'm often too rigid with my self and weight loss efforts. It's the thought of being all in or not at all. That's too rigid. It sets me up for failure or to think I am a failure when I don't succeed.

More later on this..

Monday, September 27, 2010

5 months ago..

was the last time I posted. Time sure does fly! So what are the momentous milestones in the past 5 months?

-I tent camped 3 times cooking only over a fire
-I watched my daughter dance in her first ballet
-I traveled to Missouri 2x and New England once
-I averaged about one work out a month
-I gained back everything I lost last year
-I let go of a friendship that was causing me stress
-I started therapy which I believe is helping me quite a bit
-I sent my babies off to full day kindergarten
-I quit playing Farmville

That's the basic gist of what's been going on with me. I have not kept up with blogs at all. Life overwhelms sometimes and then it is calm. I think I'm moving into a calm phase.