Friday, February 5, 2016

It's not depriving myself if I don't want it

I've been having a lot of success lately in turning down food.  Even tonight, at a birthday party, I turned down a piece of Portillo's chocolate cake.  Now, if you aren't from this geographic area, you may not know how good and rich and moist this cake is.  The restaurant actually makes a chocolate shake out of this cake, it's that good! 

Some may say I shouldn't deprive myself of treats, but I can honestly say that, as much as I LOVE chocolate cake, I didn't really want it.  I worked out twice today (dance and yoga) and I really didn't want to undo all of that hard work for a few minutes of eating cake.   I am thankful that there were no food "pushers" at this party.  They understand what I'm trying to do and don't want to sabotage my efforts.

I don't always deprive myself.  Yesterday, I made cookies with my girls and ate 2 of them.   I was not having the best day, and I am well aware that is probably why I ate the cookies.  However, I had no guilt about it.  I texted a friend and told her that was the first pure sugary treat that I have had in over a month.  I have no shame about it.

And I have no shame turning down food.  There is no law written that says "Thou must eat everything that is offered to you!"

I read somewhere that when you are working on something like weight loss and you start to flounder or think about floundering, that you should ask yourself if your goal is important to YOU.  If it is, then that might give you the strength to pull yourself together.  If it's not that important, you'll probably just give in.

Losing weight IS important to me.  I lost myself the last few years to depression and grief.  But I'm finding myself again, and part of that includes losing weight.  It IS important.  *I* am important.  That chocolate cake is NOT.

So, if people say "You shouldn't deprive yourself of every treat", I will say I don't and I won't.  If the food is that important to me, I will eat it.  But right now, at least for today, I don't want my cake and I don't want to eat it. 

Monday, February 1, 2016


I used to be very embarrassed to modify the workouts in class that I do.  I felt like the "bad student" or the "cheater" because I wasn't doing it the way the instructor was asking us to do it.

However, now I modify as I need to because only I know what's best for my body.  Sometimes that means wall pushups, or it means having my feet down doing ab work instead of over my hips.  I'm not trying to cheat.  I'm just trying to keep my workout from hurting my body and even keeping me from hating it. 

For instance - Dips.  I hate them, mostly because I can't do them.  My triceps just can't dip my body weight.  So I do overhead extensions.  It's still a tricep workout.  If I keep trying and failing at doing dips, I'm going to get so discouraged that I'll throw in the towel.  So I modify.  I do what is going to keep me going.  Because if I get injured or burnt out, then no good can come from that.

Sunday, January 31, 2016

January 2016 in review:

It was a good month:
I worked out 24 days out of 31 (including a couple of doubles)
I lost 14.8 lbs
I lost a couple of inches from my waist, hips, thighs
I lost an inch from my chest
I lost 1/2 inch from my wrist and my calf
 for some reason my arm did not lose anything

Thursday, January 28, 2016

Girly troubles

Sometimes I can't wait for menopause.    I know it brings its own problems, but I've never been comfortable with the bleeding.  For years it didn't bother me too much because my body was so messed up from my binge eating that I would go 6 months or more without a period.   But when I eat right, I ovulate normally and am more like clockwork.

I am emotional and want to binge, but I've been in control...

Working out is never fun for me on my period.  And today my worst fear realized.  We were doing some ab work where we did leg extensions, and I felt it...knew it had leaked.  I turned over, saw the blood on the white white towel, and promptly got up and ran to the ladies....  Grrr....

Sure this is TMI  - but this blog is for that...for stuff I don't always say out loud, but think.  About the embarrassing moments..the trials, tribulations and all that...

I'm doing well....will give the stats on February 1st.

Sunday, January 24, 2016

Swimming is exhausting

There is nothing as exhausting to me in exercising than swimming.  Not muscle aching tired, just a sweeping lethargy that comes over my whole body a couple of hours after a swim.  A "I want to take a nap" kind of tiredness.

It's Oscar Season which is kind of my favorite time of the year.  Yesterday I watched 4 of the 8 Best Picture nominations. 
Room:  Disturbing and Sad but very very well acted
Brooklyn:  A lovely lovely film.
Spotlight:  It's fantastic, but I wonder if I would love it as much if I didn't live near Boston at the time
Revenant:  Worthy of the praise it's getting.  I LOVED seeing Leo in a movie like this. 

The other two I've seen

Mad Maxx: Fury Road:  At first I was like, "What the heck IS this movie", but then I really did appreciate it as a film. 

The Martian:  I love Matt Damon.  I prefer him as Jason Bourne to anything else, but he puts a good turn in here.  I was underwhelmed, but I did enjoy the movie.,

So I have two left to see for Best Picture:  Bridge of Spies and the Big Short

Then I also want to see:
Steve Jobs (on video Feb 2)
The Danish Girl

I am seeing all the Oscar Shorts on Feb 20th.    I'm hosting an Oscar viewing party this year.  I have attended one for the past 3 years but for some reason I didn't make the cut for invitation this year.  I was sad for a bit, but then I said to myself "Just throw your own".  So I am.  And I think for the first time in my life, every person I've invited has said yes!    I'm excited!!

I'm still maintaining my streak of losing weight...I'm due for Aunt Flo any day now, so that might start to creep again. 

Thursday, January 21, 2016


So apparently I have something wrong with my patella femoral muscle.  Like I thought, I was overcompensating and also might have been having my knee cave in while working out putting pressure on that muscle.

It hurts, but I can mostly work out okay. 

I'm doing well with food and I've cut out Diet Coke again.  I haven't even really thought about diet coke in 3 weeks which is a good thing.  I have always believed in the connection between my binge eating and drinking Diet Coke.  When I lost weight the first time, I was off Diet Coke for a year.  Then my dad got sick, I got tired and needed a caffeine boost....then I gained weight because I started binge eating again.

Past is past though and I need to look forward to the future...

Tuesday, January 19, 2016

Knee Deep in Trouble...

I'm going for a consult today regarding my knee, which has been in a lot of pain since I started working out a few weeks ago.  One of the trainers think I may have been overcompensating for my ankle (that I broke over a year ago and still baby), but it's still hurting.  My friend is a physical therapist, so before I go into ortho to take xrays, I'm going to see her to see what she thinks.

It doesn't impede my workouts too much, but sometime stretching is impossible if I have to kneel on the ground to do it.

Otherwise everything is pretty great.  Feeling motivated still.  Trying to encourage my other friends who are wanting to be healthier this year. 

I just wish it weren't so darn cold!!!!