11 Weeks - 77 days

I'm down 31 lbs so I'm still averaging 2.82 lbs per week, which is great.

I'm not getting as much working out in as I'd like, but I'm getting some.  People are really starting to notice my weight loss now, which is a positive thing and helps keep me motivated.

77 days with no diet coke, with only a couple of binges.  I'm feeling mostly strong these days.

I still wonder what it is that makes me wake up one day and be motivated, but the 2 1/2 years worth of days before that I had nothing...not a care to be motivated, not a care what I looked like or what I ate.  (and this was after losing 100 lbs and gaining it all back!!)

Mystery of life I suppose!

10 Week Mark

Day #70.  10 Weeks.   Total lost: 28.2 lbs.   Which averages about 2.82lbs per week.    It feels good.  People are starting to notice the loss, which is a great feeling.   It's a tough cycle since you aren't doing it for anyone but yourself, but the comments feel really good and satisfying! 

I'm certainly losing differently than the last time.  The first time I lost all the weight, I felt I was losing it in my butt first, but this time I'm losing it from my calves and torso.  (which I prefer to go first! LOL)

It's tough squeezing in that exercise, but I'm getting there a couple of times per week.  I took a bike ride with my daughter on Sunday, which was also very nice!

I'll keep checking in.  Noone on my blog roll has posted in a while!  I hope you all are doing well!

Two Months In...

I've been at this for two full calendar months now...9 weeks.  I am down 27.8 lbs from where I've started. 

First month:  Down 14.5 lbs
Second Month:  Down 13.3lbs

This is definitely faster than I've lost before and I'm actually exercising less than I did the first time around.  Maybe the difference is that this weight has only been on me for 2 years rather than 32 years like it was before...we will see if the trend continues.

I've been doing well...work is going well..the kids are doing well!

Hope anyone who is still reading me is doing well!  Leave a comment!

Almost to halfway to my first goal

My goal right now is to not be bigger than a baby elephant again.  That requires me to be under 250 lbs.  I'm almost halfway to that first goal. 

I'll be honest - I was 302 lbs when I started the journey again.  I was down to 190.5 before I got pregnant and all hell broke loose.  So in 3 1/2 years, I gained 110 lbs.    So I'm at 278 right now, which isn't so bad.  I've lost 24 lbs so far.  I've got 28 to go to reach that first goal    Nothing to sneeze at.   

All is going well.  I keep thinking I want to start running again....maybe soon...

Can't the scale just move already??

I'm 8 weeks in tomorrow and this last couple of weeks have been a hellish "When is it going to go down" time.

Well, for 8 weeks I have not had any Diet Coke.  It has really helped my cravings tremendously (although I still could eat 10 bananas and not blink)!

In truth, I've been fluctuating all over the place since July 4th (right when I joined the fitness center and started working out).

Since then I have lost a whopping .7 lbs.    So .7 lbs in 17 days - that's crazy!!! 

I have lost 21.2 lbs in 8 weeks though which is 2.65 lbs per week - which is very respectable.  I just don't like it fluctuating...I like to see it go down and down and down!  Of course, many will say, don't weigh yourself everyday and it won't affect you.  Well I could do that, but I probably would always be bloated on the days I weigh myself!!  LOL.   I love seeing the curved graph of weight loss.  It motivates me. 

When I lost the 100 lbs before - I did it over the course of 14 months which is about 1.666 lbs per week.  So if I keep it all in perspective, I'm doing just fine!

Measuring

I didn't do measurements for my first month and a half mostly because I didn't want to include that initial bloat reduction that comes when you start losing weight.  Now that I'm down a bit, I figured I start monitoring inches lost as well as lbs.

Of course all the measurements are high, but NOT as high as they were in 2011 when I first started being serious about losing weight.  So there's something.

We just babysit our friends' two young boys.  I can say for certain that I do NOT want any more kids.  I'm happy with my 3! 

Almost a binge

Grrr...I had a great Friday..until I didn't.   I had a client yelling at me for things that I wasn't even  at the company when it happened.  The girls who used to work at my company (who both got fired) just did a lot of stupid things, and I get the unhappy clients.  So I had to work an extra hour on Friday to deal with it all...picked up Chinese food for the kids, came home to one crabby 2 year old, 2 tye dye shirts from camp that needed rinsed, a basement window that was leaking from all the rain, a dog who pooped and peed on the floor....

My first instinct was to eat all of the chinese food.  I had gotten Honey chicken, which I love. 
But.  I didn't.  I might have teared up a bit.  I think my kids thought I was going to have a seizure because I had my fingers on my temples.   Maybe I ate two or three more bites than I would have if I wasn't stressed, but I DID NOT BINGE.

That doesn't make it a great day.  But it's something...

No rewards for being perfect

In weight loss there aren't always immediate rewards for perfect eating.

I've been on this current journey for 50 days and have lost 20 lbs.  That's actually almost 3lbs a week which is quite quick, but for the past 2 weeks I've been hovering and going up and down around the same weight.

I know why this is.  I'm working out.  My muscles are retaining water.  It got hot and humid.  And I got a sunburn.   The three things that make me retain water.  So I am perfect every day and there is nothing right now showing for it!

I know that that will change if I persevere, but I've got to keep going forward and not dwelling on it.

I've been down this road...it doesn't always make it easier...it helps to remember, but I'm ready to get back where I was, which makes me impatient.

Have a great day!

The Timeline of Misery

I took Body Flow for the first time in 2 years today.  Thankfully I wasn't sore after yesterdays workout.  It wasn't terrible, but man, are my ankles week.  In Flow there is a balance track and was I ever shaky.  Especially on the ankle that I broke last September!!  Ah yes...another think that added to my defeat in the last years.   Let's do a timeline of my backsliding, shall we?

 February 2012 - Reached 100 lbs lost
April 2012 - Became Pregnant
April 2012 - Father Diagnosed with Liver Cancer
June 2012 - Father very sick in hospital nearly dies from internal bleeding while out visiting for Father's day.  Drank a Diet Coke because I was tired and not sleeping.  Continued to stress eat and gained weight.
November 2012 - Get plantar fasciitis in both feet due to pregnancy hormones and bad shoes towards the end of pregnancy and weight gain
December 2012 - Charlotte Jo is born.  Have a few good weeks of eating.
January 2013 - Doctors determine dad has less than 3 months to live.  Dad visits looking very sickly.  Eating more.
March 2013 -  Dad dies.  Eating a lot
June 2013 - Start physical therapy for my feet - get some relief
August 2013 - Do the Diva Dash in Chicago  (still keeping my toes in the fitness)
September 2013 - April 2014 - dealt with major depression and grief - sporadic working out
July 2014 - Back to physical therapy for my plantar fasciitis again
September 2014 - Turned 40
September 2014 - Fell down the stairs the day after my birthday and broke my ankle in 4 places
September 2014 - Quit my gym membership
October 2014 - started a full time job, had one good month of eating, then lots of stress eating
November 2014 - Best friends breast cancer has returned, metasticized into her organs and bones.
January 2015 - ankle starts to feel a bit better, but still achy and weak
January - May 2015 - Ate and gained weight
May 2015 - decided to stop drinking diet coke and eating well again
June 2015 - badly bruised/broke? my big toe while slipping and jamming my foot in the tub getting a pedicure
July 2015 - Joined the fitness center again!

So that's the timeline of stress and eating and my return back to who I want to be.

I just felt like typing it out!

You are only defeated if you don't get back up...

Sometimes I let myself be defeated.  I did for more than 2 years.  I just didn't have any fight left in me after giving birth and watching my father die only 3 months later. 

But I'm not completely defeated because I am getting back up.  I am fighting still.  I have not thrown in the towel.

When I'm at the fitness center, I have this feeling of "This is who I am and who I like to be".  Who wouldn't want to feel like that all the time??

So like my blog heading says.  "It's never to late to be who you might have been"

Worked out again today and hoping this time I can move tomorrow!  I did lose about 2.4 of the lbs I gained from water retention.

Moving forward...

Am I a camel?

I've gained more than 3 lbs in 3 days due to water retention.  My work out from Friday left me so incredibly sore for 3 days.  The first day after I gained  1/2 a pound.  The next day I gained 2.4 lbs and then today I was up another LB! 

Craziness.  I'm drinking so much water, but it's not flushing out.. I should be going to the bathroom every 20 minutes the way I'm drinking, but my tired and achy muscles are holding on to everything!

I worked out again tonight.  Sometimes it's emotionally hard because I remember how easy it had gotten and now it's hard again.  But then I try to overcome it and think "This is how I start...I just have to keep moving forward."

Hopefully I won't gain another 2 lbs from this workout!  I know muscle weighs more than fat, but I know for sure this is all water weight. 

It was a nice thought at least...

Yesterday, I said that I used the lightest weights and held back a little so I wouldn't be sore today.  Yeah, that didn't work.    My legs are so sore from squats and my chest is sore from chest presses.  Egads...  well it's muscles tearing to rebuild themselves...  I know the drill.

I'm feeling a little emotional today for unknown reasons.  I'm tired I think.  I dreamt of my dad the other night and it usually sets me on edge when I dream of him.  I am one person who does not like to dream of my deceased loved ones.  It is just too painful, even if it is a good dream.

It's Just Like Riding a Bicycle...except it hurts much more

So I decided to rejoin the fitness center.  It was only a $25.00 rejoin free, so I figured better get it now before the fee goes up.

I worked out this morning - doing BodyPump weight lifting class.   I was smart and put the lowest weight on so I wouldn't be so sore tomorrow.  It's amazing how easy I just went right back into the routine.  Like I hadn't missed a day.

I had to skip one track because my heart rate wasn't coming down enough, and now my back is so sore!!  Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to move.  I haven't worked out since September of last year when I broke my ankle.  I'll get back to fit, but like everything it takes time.

Moving forward...

Goals and such.

My initial goals are the same as my goals the first go around.  The first is to be smaller than a baby elephant.  Then it will be tricky to figure out the next goal since before it was to weigh the lowest weight I had recorded in WW years ago, then lower than I had in high school.   I suppose I could keep those goals and then put the next goal as the lowest weight I was the last time...

So I think my goals should be:

Goal#1 - to be 250 lbs
Goal #2 - to be 229 lbs (lowest WW weight achieved in 2000)
Goal #3 - to be 213 lbs (lowest weight recorded in high school)
Goal #4 - to be 199 lbs (under 200)
Goal #5 - to be 190.5 lbs (lowest weight I achieved last round of losing)
Goal #6 - to be 180 lbs (Where I go from obese to overweight)

That's all the goals I'm going to do for now since it won't benefit me to do a goal until I get to 175.  I don't know what my body will look like and what I will need to lose.

I'm trying to figure out getting back to the fitness center.  Part of me wants to wait to join until I reach my Goal #1 since I will be a little bit more fit and easy to move.  But the other part of me misses the workouts and the camaraderie.  I was this weight and more when I first joined.  It's tough with 3 kids, a husband and a full time job to figure out where to fit it in.  Of course I could be there rather than typing this blog, but once I get home, I hate going out again!!   I do have tools here to work out.  I should use them!

But it's July 1st.  Best time of the month for making Goals.  Maybe 2x a week at home to start...we shall see.  I'll work on this.

Friends and Fighting

I'm proud of myself.  I got into a pretty major disagreement with a friend about the recent SCOTUS ruling on gay marriage.  It was a very short disagreement but a forceful one.  I told my friend I was very happy for the ruling because I didn't think it was right that gay couples didn't get the same privileges that heterosexual couples do.  My cousin is a lesbian and I am very happy that she can now be married and have that marriage recognized in all 50 states.

Also, my job at the adoption company is to help mostly the LGBT community navigate their way through the adoption process.   There is such joy when I talk to my clients about this ruling.  You see, there isn't only discrimination through marriage, but also through adoption.  In many states only one of a couple can adopt and if they are lucky the partner could adopt 6 months later.   Imagine for 6 months or longer NOT having legal rights to your child! 

Anyhow, my friend was rather upset that I thought it was good.  I said that it isn't right to be treated that way when they have no choice.  She yelled back at me "You aren't born gay!"  and the only "proof" she had was that if it was okay, the bible would not speak against it.  It made me mad.  I am a woman of faith, but I can't stand when people stay ignorant because "the bible says".   The bible says that slavery is okay.  The bible says if you have sex during your menstrual period you should be cut off from your people and you are unclean,  The bible says a lot of things that have been written off as cultural times.  But not homosexuality.  Noone bothers to get to know gay people, to read the studies, to understand.  It's just different than what they know.

I'm not opposed to people believing one way.  But you need more proof to back up what you believe.

Anyhow..back to why I was proud.  Even in this stressful time, I did not binge.  I did not want to give in to the stress.  And honestly, if I lost this friend over it, I wouldn't be too sad.  I'm a thinker and I love debate, but bring some education about what you are debating. 

I had a doctors appointment today.  I look forward to getting my labs back.  I don't like giving blood, but I do like finding out the results and comparing them from before.  I hadn't been to the doctor for over 2 years because in my depression I just felt so embarrassed going back and having gained so much weight.   It was fine though. 

What I've been doing...

This is what I've been doing for the past 2 1/2 years, besides gaining weight!  She's a beautiful, blond mini-me.  She is just like her momma in so many ways. 

I have friends in town this weekend that kind of stress me out a bit, but I've been handling things pretty well.  No major binges or anything.  We had chinese for dinner which is not the healthiest, but I think I did all right with it.

I'm very happy about the SCOTUS ruling this week.  I don't think people should be denied rights to marry who they love.  I work at an adoption company that primary works with the LGBT community and I tell you, those folks are beyond happy to be allowed to legally complete their family!

All in all, things are well.

I forgot about the Agony...

The agony of not seeing the scale move for days even though you are doing everything right!

Before I started down this path again, I invested in a doctors scale.  I was so tired of stepping on a digital scale and having it read 6 different weights in the span of 1 minute.  I love my scale.  Even when it doesn't move.

The reality is I've had a cold and I got my period which are the two things that mostly make me retain water.   So I shouldn't be so annoyed at the scale, yet there it is! 

Week 1 -  I lost 7 lbs
Week 2 - I lost 2 lbs
Week 3 - I lost 4.5 lbs
Week 4 - I lost 1 lb

So in 4 weeks I have lost 14.5 lbs, which is nothing to sneeze at.   I know now it starts to go slower, but I've been down this road before.  I just have to revist my blog from 2011 when I started to be real serious about my health. 

I've had 30 days without Diet Coke, which I am telling you is essential to this process.  The first thing I did before I came undone was have a Diet Coke, and then another.  Without Diet Coke, I have no cravings for sweet things.  I'd rather have a fruit or a vegetable than a cookie.  Truth. 

Here's to the next 4 weeks!

The Road is Long with Many a Winding Turn...

I can't believe I've been blogging on and off for the last 6 years!  My twins were 4 when I started blogging and they are now 10.  I now have a 2 1/2 year old beautiful and precocious toddler.  I gained all those glorious 100 lbs I lost back after I gave birth and lost my father to liver cancer at the age of 66.  It's a long road.

I have had 28 pretty darn great days.  No diet coke...only a couple of cases of small binging.  I'm down 14.4 lbs in almost a month, which is pretty consistent with what I lost the first time around.  This is the first time in nearly 3 years that I have had a pretty clean month.

I'm working full time so I haven't quite figured out how to work the fitness center back into my life, but for me it was more the food that was the problem. 

My readers have probably long forgotten about me but I still want to move forward on this blog.  I'm going back to being less than a baby elephant again.  But I did it once, so I know it can be done!

If you are still reading me, leave me a comment!  I'm planning to get caught up with reading blogs soon!