Saturday, October 3, 2009

No One Can Make You Feel Inferior...

without your consent." So sayeth Eleanor Roosevelt. Well dear Ellie wasn't in my tennis class this morning. I'm not generally a mean or violent person but I really wanted to tell this woman in our class to "Shut Up" and then hit her over the head with a racquet. This was a 4 week class that this woman came to last week, not really because she wanted to learn tennis, but because she wanted free court time. (since the class was free). But because she plays (even though her form is not great and she really isn't THAT good) she felt like she could give hubby and me all her insight and pointers. She was telling me where to stand, how to hold my racquet, what type of clothes I should wear....and it goes on and on. It was annoying, and I allowed it to make me feel like a loser - like I didn't know anything, like I couldn't play. It affected my motivation and my ability to play as good as I could. I felt like I've felt a million times in my life before - "why bother"? I felt like I was a fat person trying to play a skinny person's sport. I haven't felt like that yet in these past few months of maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Everyone at the fitness center has been so helpful and supportive (in the least ignoring my obesity and treating me like anyone else).

Should I let it bother me? Probably not and I'll get past it. But it is this type of thing that makes it impossible for me to tell most people except for bloggers what I'm trying to achieve. People just overburden you with advice about how you "should" do things. When hubby and I were trying to conceive years ago, people's "shoulds" drove me to depression. It was hard enough without everyone's input. Losing weight is hard enough for anyone. Trying new things is hard. What I don't need is someone (who hasn't walked to road) telling me how to do it. These are the people who make me doubt my own abilities, because I'm always thinking "Are they right?" and driving myself crazy trying different things. The personal trainer at the gym who lost 200 lbs - she earns the right to be listened to. So I'll take her advice. Other than that there are maybe 5 people outside of Bloggerworld that know what I'm doing. And for now, that's the way it will stay.


  1. Your secret is safe with us! ;)

    I can relate to this so well. There's a woman at my knitting class who does this constantly to everyone and it makes me want to put a knitting needle through her cheek. It doesn't entirely help to know that their behavior is entirely about them (and I suspect, their insecurities), not about us in any way! They are renting space in our heads long after the event is over, and they aren't paying rent. (that's an AA saying)

    BTW, what you're doing in your life with your hard work will become increasingly apparent!

  2. I agree with Leslie, it will soon be very apparant.
    I dont talk about my efforts to just anybody either. Mainly, it's none of their business.

    Some years ago, I had a situation that a lot of people wanted to talk about and give advise about.I learned to say to them "I dont want to discuss that with you" and let it drop. Could you tell this tennis lady something to that effect? Sometimes you have to be blunt and to the point. If she isnt your instructor tell her to bug off! Then enjoy your game!

  3. Leslie I like that saying about renting space in our head. When things start becoming more apparent, I need to be ready, because I don't like people noticing my weight - even if it's a loss. I'm so weird that way. I put pressure on myself when people notice me. I need to prepare myself to take the compliments!

  4. I found out that you have a blog from Jessica's blog! WOW! How cool!
    I just had to let you know that the Eleanor Roosevelt quote used to be one of my favorites and somehow I forgot all about it until just now, reading your blog! I LOVE IT! It's so true, unfortunately... that people can only make you feel bad about yourself or make you feel less than a person if you allow it. Sad. Don't allow it and I'll try not to either! :)

  5. Grr, people can be so obnoxious. You should definitely NOT feel badly about yourself because you are doing the right thing. I don't blame you for not wanting to discuss this with others, either. It's a very personal, touchy issue and most people don't understand and don't know how to treat the subject without being offensive. Hang in there! We are rooting for you and believe in you!