Woah...

I had to buy a coat today for a few reasons - First, all the coats I bought last year are way too big, and secondly because I have my husband's work party on Saturday and the two coats I have are not fancy enough.  I'll try to post a picture later of the coat I bought (which kind of has a cheetah ish look to it and is soft as a bunny (but it is not fur)  but my friends, it is a size....

LARGE!

That is size large with no "X" in front of it.  It is snug but I can move in it!   
It is so funny to me how sizes run so different.  I bought an XL ski type of coat last week and it is snug being an XL.    So it all depends on what you buy...however I am super psyched that I was able to purchase something that had no XXXXXXXXX!!!

I ate a piece of everything!

I enjoyed my vacation immensely.  On Thanksgiving, I had two plates full of all the good things in life and then later I had a piece of almost every dessert on the table...cake, blueberry pie, banana bread, chocolate pie, chocolate peanut brickle, pecan pie.   Yes, it was a lot, but here's the thing.  I took a SLIVER of each thing, not an entire piece.  I allowed myself the freedom to indulge a bit and this freedom made sure I didn't gorge myself with huge pieces.  Because I was free to eat everything, I didn't feel the need to make excuses of what I could and couldn't have and the stress that usually goes along with that was non existent.

I am glad to get back into my routine, but all in all I did really well.  When I could I ate what I normally eat for breakfast and lunch, and then I enjoyed.

The best part - I still lost 2 lbs over vacation!!



Have you thought about your December goals yet?  I figured I would since it is better to be prepared.

I don't normally set timed weight goals, but I would really love to see 199.5 by the end of the year.   That means 6 lbs.  Very doable. 

And I have a goal to ENJOY December.  To Enjoy the cookie parties and social gatherings and know that I have accomplished much and the rate that I get to my ultimate goal is somewhat up to me.  So if I want a few cookies it is not the end of the world, it may just take me a week or two to get to where I am going.  Sometimes that is worth it.

I thought this morning that I am so thankful for my body that can now run/jog 3.1miles without stopping. I am so thankful for the clothes I am wearing that are not plus sized I am so thankful that I do not have stomach issues like I used to since I am not eating the crap I used to. I am thankful for the circle of encouragement I have surrounding my lifestyle change and weight loss. My vacation is going well. I've been exercising - running a few times and took zumba I am not eating perfectly however I am eating very well. I am treating myself here and there, and did allow myself seconds. I'm just enjoying life. Happy thanksgiving all!

Still here, still good....

I haven't posted since Monday!  What a slacker!  This has just been kind of a crazy week.  We are leaving for the Thanksgiving holiday, so I'm busy packing, organizing, getting the dog ready for the kennel, etc....I'm a bit excited and nervous about going 'home for the holidays' as the last time I went home after I'd lost some weight a few years ago, noone noticed.   This time though - I can't imagine anyone NOT saying something, especially when my next door neighbor bumped into me at a store and said "Wow, I didn't even recognize you - how can that be, since I see you all the time!".

I have been pretty lax in updating my exercise ticker too...I'm still doing all I've been doing, but I forget to update the ticker, so if I don't actually make my quarter goal on the ticker, I'm pretty certain that I will have made it...

I'm already mourning the lack of no fitness center for 7 days.  My girlfriend has a membership to her Y, so I might be able to go there when I'm visiting.  I'm just going to enjoy my holiday!

I love the look on their faces....

when people ask how much I've lost and I tell them "82 lbs so far".  Seriously, mouths drop open every time.

I'm so thankful for this new way of living.  Sometimes when I think about who I was and who I am now, I'm quite startled.  Like today.  I took 3 classes - 1 hour Step aerobics, 1 hour Yoga/Tai Chi/Pilates and then this evening 45 minutes of Shbam Dance.    Who is this girl?  Oh yes, it's ME!

And yesterday..I was the girl who ran 3.1 miles without stopping.  Who's that girl?  Me!  I can do so much more now than I ever imagined I'd be able to do.  So sometimes I stand with my own mouth dropped open.  When the scale went below 210 I stood in awe (and then did some happy dances) to see a 0 after the 2.  Wohoo!  Sometimes I get choked up when I walk by the Plus Sized section because I don't have to shop those tops anymore...  Not because I'm sad, but because I've been liberated.

5K Number 3 - Panting for Paws

This just in:  I ran my third 5K this morning.  This time the terrain was a path through the woods in a park nearby - all flat, crushed limestone.  It was windy, so I think it might have affected my time a little bit.  Here are my stats:

Time:  36:31 seconds
Speed:  11:47 minute mile
Place:  159 in about 300 or so
Age/Gender:  24th out of 41

 I haven't run since the last 5K but I did manage to run this one 31 seconds faster than the last one (which was a whole 5 minutes plus faster than the one I did last June.  I have this image in my head that if I ran with a backpack on with the weight that I was in June, I would be so much slower.  So as I'm losing things out of the backpack, I'm running faster.  I probably won't run until the spring, so we'll see how much lighter I'll be and how much faster I will go.

I would have never believed at the beginning of this year that I would run a 5K, never mind THREE of them.

Thank you to those who commented yesterday.  I had the thought today that I can't spend my time thinking about the actions of other people.  If they don't want to talk to me, that's fine.   I won't be apologizing for changing my life, even if it makes them uncomfortable.

Have a fabulous Sunday!

I might be able to make it!!

So, thankfully my weight loss has started up again, which gives me some hope that I might be under 200 lbs by the end of 2011. I'm not betting on it, but If I lose 9 lbs, I'll be under 200. That's 7 weeks to lose 9 pounds. It might work out!

I don't ever think about giving up anymore, which is a fabulous thing, however, lately I've been quite obsessed with how much people are telling me I look good, how many blog followers I have, how many comments, etc... I don't like it. Part of it, I know, has to do with the fact that I've NEVER been this successful and I want people to acknowledge that! I want to be affirmed!

The other part is that my life now is so much focused on weight loss and the fitness center, that it's what I talk about a lot of the time. So I am mentally struggling to figure out the balance. I know for sure some friends have stopped talking to me because of my weight loss. (these are friends who are bigger). I often wonder too if my blog readership isn't expanding because of the same thing. The better I do, the less comments I get.. I don't want to be so self focused, but I think it makes me stressed out. It makes me crave the accolades more because I guess I have fear that if I'm not doing well people will stop caring. But people are stopping to care when I am doing well too! ARGH! This is called damage, people! Damage that was done long ago because I was fat and people didn't care enough. It's kind of making me crazy!

But I'm pushing on to the OneDerland! OH, and I also just have to say that I bought 3 pairs of size 16 jeans yesterday at my favorite thrift store! Size 16! Now I've worn size 16 skirts already but those all have elastic waist bands in them, but these are JEANS!! How cool is that!

My 10 Minutes of Fame

Remember in August I was interviewed by the fitness center?  Well finally they put me in a brochure!  Well, 2 brochures to be exact - one marketed just for women and the other marketed to overall people.   


Centegra Brochure 2 And.... Centegra Brochure 1 They also told me that I would be in the quarterly magazine in January... I'm so glad to be able to promote my fitness center! I love it there!

The guy who lost 200 lbs in 10 months.

Did you read about that guy in NY that lost all that weight?  If it is true and accurate then I say "Well done", but something in me is very suspicious and also actually very annoyed.

Suspicious because that is 20 lbs a month.  The first 2 months I could see because he was already a very big guy, but 20 lbs per month continuously???  Anyone else been able to do this??  Yeah, didn't think so...  Also, how do we know for sure it was in 10 months?  Are those before and after shots dated?  Also, are there any quotes from the YMCA that confirm his daily dedication?  Not that I've read.  Also, I have eaten more fruits and veggies, less meat and have worked out every day, often 2 times a day for the last 10 months and I have lost less than half of that.

Annoyed because if it is true, it is entirely unhealthy.  First he said he did cardio and weight training for an hour each, six days a week !   Well, if he had been reading all those websites he claims he read for his info, he would know that weight training EVERY day is NOT good for your body.  I worry that others will read his story and start doing like he did and end up with injury.  

I don't mean to be a negative Nelly, but it's really not a great story when the only two people quoted are him and his fiancee.   If anyone ever did a story on me they'd have 5 separate fitness instructors, health club staff, my family and anyone who has ever known me to interview...

Back is better, not fully, but better!!  

Oh, my aching back!!

I took a class on Saturday called Total Body Conditioning.  It's mostly a strength and conditioning class.  After the class I was putting a load of laundry in and pulled something in my back.  I was so upset.  It doesn't hurt a ton, but it's the aching feeling like someone keeps driving their fist into your back.  I'm taking some drugs for it, but the info on the web is all contradictory.  Heat, Ice, Rest, Exercise....  Well, I'm plowing through it.  I exercised 3 times yesterday.  I took Step (albeit at a much reduced exertion) and Body Flow and then Sh*bammed at night (again at a reduce pace).  I hate not being able to work out to full intensity.  I think that's why I took 3 classes yesterday.  Because I knew that it wasn't my normal.   I have  a 5k to run on Sunday, so I don't want to really injure myself more...  GRRR...

Historically November has not been a very good month for me for weight loss.  In 2009 when I lost about 30 lbs, November came and then I gained it all back.   In 2010, I did not have one blog post in November - and we all know what that can mean.   So, here it is - November....it makes me nervous.  Visiting family and vacation makes me nervous - having an injury makes me nervous.  I feel stronger now than I did two years ago and even one year ago.  I will make it through November....I will....  determined!

Do you ever?

Do you ever look in the mirror or your reflection in the window as you eat?  I recommend it, especially when you binge, so you can see the disgusting reality of it all.  I say this not in judgement, but in truthfulness as I consumed many calories in a short period of time yesterday.   But I caught a glimpse of myself in the window and had to acknowledge that I HATE that part of me when it becomes uncontrollable.

It happened, I am moving on...

I always try to reflect on why I get that way, and I suppose there is never just one answer.  But here are a few thoughts:

1.  Like I mentioned the other day, I'm trying to *rush* to get 15 lbs off, and freaking out a bit, so when things don't happen quick enough I feel hopeless and that the weight loss is pointless
.

2.  I'm trying to plan a trip to New England for Thanksgiving to see family.  STRESS!  I hate trying to jam in a whole lot of things in one week and see a lot of people whom I love but some of which get put out if I don't spend enough time with them.

3.  Just had parent/teacher conferences.  I would not know that one of the children was mine from the conference.  Her teacher said she was "quiet and keeps to herself, doesn't answer much and when she does it is in a small voice and she sucks her thumb all day."  The thumb sucking is true, the rest is not my child.  This is my extremely social, friendly, hardly ever shuts up child.  So this made me sad.  Why is my child not thriving at school?  She's super smart and ahead of everything but still.  Not knowing what is going on to make her behave that way upsets me.  I think the teacher is very capable (although not super warm and fuzzy).

So that's the skinny that's keeping me from becoming skinny right now.  I'm back on the train...off to workout...

Keep on plugging away...

Chris over at A Deliberate Life said something in her blog today that made me think.  She mentioned how the last 20 lbs makes people want to rush to the finish line and kind of freak out about getting there.  While I have more than 20 lbs to go, I am close to being under 200 lbs and I feel that kind of stress/pressure.  Maybe if I eat 2 eggs instead of 3, maybe if I don't eat supper tonight...maybe if I double up exercise every day.... 

The truth is that if I keep doing what I am doing, I am going to get where I am going.  If these last 8 months prove anything it is that I can do it, that it doesn't always work the way I want it to, but results will happen if I persevere.    So I am going to keep plugging away...

Hating the Darkness

I love the fall, but the changing of the seasons and the additional darkness has made me very unmotivated.  Not so unmotivated that I'm not working out, but just a general feeling of unmotivation.  (i know, not really a word, but it works). 

Once I regain some of this motivation I'll post a little more. 


Happy November!