Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Why are you being so mean?

My 4 year old daughter asked me this today when I packed up and put away a bunch of toys that she refused to pick up. She's a dumper and somehow delights in dumping bins of toys in piles in the toy room. I am thankful for our toyroom that nooone can see this mess unless they are IN the room. So this morning I said they had until tennis lessons to pick it up OR I was going to pack up the stuff. My daughter says, (get this!) "Well, that's okay because then it will be less toys I have to pick up!" I gave them a lot more time than I said I would (mostly because I need to remember that they are 4 and NOT 14 sometimes) but finally about 2:30 (after plenty of warnings) I said it was time. And the screaming commenced. NO MOM, NO, NOT THAT TOY. I LOVE IT! For over an hour this continued until the room was clean, and 4 gallon size ziploc bags full of toys were put onto a high shelf for either use in the distant future or a yard sale... After it was all done, she says to me "Why are you being so mean?" I think I replied, "Well you are being mean to mommy too, by not cleaning up your toys and by screaming so much." and then it got so late that I missed my Spin Class which made me sad. So no work out AGAIN. (Last night the weather was bad).

But I probably need to ask myself that question. "Why am I being so mean to myself, so often?" Why do berate myself over and over for a mistake I made that I am now trying to fix. Why do I call myself fat and ugly and stupid and worthless so much? Why do I think I am a terrible wife, friend, mother, all the time? Why am I so mean to myself when I have a slip, eat too much, not go to the gym. I'm dedicated (not nearly as much as Jack Sh*t getting fit!, but still!) to the journey so why do I beat myself up so badly for small mistakes? Are you mean to yourself? Maybe we should be nicer. Give ourselves consequences but then move on. I'm sure my children will dump their toys again another day. And they will have consequences, but I forgive and move on and don't hold it against them. I don't love them less because they scream at me that I'm mean. Maybe I need to treat myself more like that. Maybe I need to love myself more.

So as I tell my kids ALL the time! STOP being so mean!!!


  1. YES YES YES!!!
    And also make yourself a priority by picking up half those toys and then going to the gym...coming back and getting rid of the rest of them.
    YOu are more important.
    And I absolutely agree that you need to stop beating yourself up mentally, It took me awhile to stop doing this too.
    It has really cut down on the urge to binge, because usually right behind those awful things I said to myself I would say...it doesn't matter what I do, i will always be (insert negative connotation here)
    feel worse about yourself tomorrow....today love yourself.

  2. and I wish it were as easy as "ok starting today treat yourself as you would a best friend. ALL DAY."

    so simple to say, err, type and yet such a challenge to do.
    to execute.

    perhaps start with a morning of bestfriending yourself?


  3. Great post Jodie. So many of us have those old tapes that play in our heads over and over, and really kick into high gear when we make a mistake. I really like Chris' comment about not sacrificing our goals because we get caught up in other stuff. One thing for sure, the mess will wait for me until I return from the gym!

    Beginning to practice self love and care doesn't dome naturally - it takes intention and effort. Nothing is easy, is it?

  4. She's got a point there! :D Me, I'm the same way, girl.

  5. Sometimes we forget to L-O-V-E ourselves. Don't forget!

  6. I agree! I think so many of us treat others much better than we treat ourselves. I'm a fat girl, yes of course I am that's why I'm trying to lose weight but being a fat girl isn't all that I am. Why do I constantly tell myself "Your fat, your fat." Duh I know I'm fat, but why walk around all the time repeating it.

    I don't walk around all day saying "I'm a mom, I'm a mom" or "I'm so nice and supportive to friends, I'm so nice and supportive to friends" Why do I tend to continue to repeat the negative? Why can't I be nicer to myself.

    I only have one son and he happens to have Asperger's Syndrome (a form of Autism) He is very smart but some things he doesn't understand and some things he has problems with. I don't focus on his negatives, I always remind him of all his positives. Of all the things he can do instead of the things he can't do. Why do I do the opposite to myself?

    Something to think about indeed. Good post.

  7. Great post Jodie. If I treated myself the way I treated my children when they make a mistake...wow...I'd probably feel a whole lot better.

  8. It's tough to learn not to constantly berate oneself if that's a habit we're in. This is one of the issues (maybe the main issue) that I want to deal with now.