Time is Tickering Away!

So my pain has still subsided. I was a little achy this morning so I took one of the Meloxicam and I really haven't had any problems today. I did Body Pump this evening and the only thing that was questionable was the ab workout (which might have been the problem to start with!) Keep sending your good wishes my way!

I decided to use tickers on this blog - something I haven't done before but I think is beneficial. The first is the lbs lost ticker. The first goal was to weigh the same as a baby elephant (which was to be 35 pounds less). The second is a 3 month goal of exercising 75 hours. I've really like updating them each time it is necessary. They are both short term goals that are attainable. And I like seeing the little elephant racing towards the goal!! (and there is nothing depressing about either one!)

Good night!

I think I've had a huge breakthrough!!

I realized either yesterday or today that even though it's been on again/off again, since August of 2009 I have been consistently aware of my body and haven't thrown in the towel completely. Sure there are times months go by and then I get back on the horse. But I realized that I keep returning after a few months. Months, NOT years!! I'm still blogging...I haven't given up! This is monumental for me. Usually I do something 6 weeks, then I give up, then a few years later I say 'OK, I'll try again!" But lately the times get shorter and shorter in between. That's an awesome thing!

So I'm not in pain today, so whatever prayers or good wishes people sent worked! I went in for a spin class and then a weight class, but opted out of the abs part of the class for fear of hurting whatever was the problem.

Have a great evening!

A Big Fat Medical Mystery!

That's what I am. Apparently there are no major organs where my pain is, so the doctor doesn't think it is a hernia. She just kept saying "strange", when I would describe that the pain is only when I stand, and it's not like a pulled muscle. She pushed in a bunch and didn't feel anything wrong. She ran another urinalysis and took some blood. She prescribed some prescription anti inflammatory medication and said in a week or so if it is not better we should proceed with the cat scan. (which freaks me out - because I really don't want to drink barium!)

So praying people, please pray and non praying people, send some good wishes that this will all just blow over!

:)

Possible Hernia!!

Ugh...went into immediate care today because I have had this sharp pain in my abdomen since at least Tuesday. It only hurts when I have been standing up for any period of time. I exercised all week with no problems, but I walked around the grocery store and I was bending over in pain.

The MD thinks it could be a hernia because of where it is and the type of pain. He also said it could be something to do with scar tissue from my gall bladder surgery, which was like 15 years ago...I forget exactly what the issue would be. So, he wants me to go to PCP this week and probably get an ultrasound to see what it is for sure.

He did say that I could continue doing anything that I'm comfortable doing and don't do things I'm not comfortable with. I hope it's not a hernia, because that would require surgery.

On the plus side I had a huge NSV when I didn't eat the entire contents of my cupboards and fridge when I found out the potential news. We did have ice cream as a special treat after dinner, but anytime I can deal with a stressful situation without stuffing my face is a victory!

I'm a "Fruit"cake!

I love fruit. I really LOVE it. But just like anything I love, I can easily over indulge. Seriously, I can eat 6 bananas at a time, that's how much I love them. Fresh Pineapple? Just give me a fork and knife! But alas, overindulging in these good things doesn't really help me that much mentally or physically. Fruit still raises insulin levels, and honestly binging is binging, whether it is bread, chips, cookies, or bananas. So, we do not have bananas in our house. Really it is pointless because I can't seem to control myself around them. So, I don't buy them. I have more control over grapes and cuties and apples and strawberries and blueberries, etc...so I buy those. The things I know I won't go crazy on. I think we must be that conscious of our eating habits of bad AND good things when we shop.

Please feel free to add me to your blog rolls! Even though I changed blogs to be more *private*, that really only applies to my non virtual people! I get so much encouragement here..I need it! So bring it on!

Traumatized

Have you ever been traumatized by the words of others? Words that have stuck with you for your whole life. That make you sad even though they were said over 20 years ago by people who may no longer be in your life?

I have and am. I'm throwing out the trauma here:

When I was in 6th grade a girl named Shannon told me I was gross because I had underarm wetness. (before I knew about antiperspirant)

When I was in grade school a teacher (who I adored) told me I didn't need second helpings for the hot lunch. I think this was her way of trying to help me, but it really upset me.

When I was in high school, a boy named Stephen told me that the dress I was wearing could be used as a tent.

Also when I was in high school, my brother told me I sounded like a dead cow when I sang. (everyone says I have a beautiful voice but I'm a bit shy about it because of this)

My brother also once told me a flowered dress I wore made me look like a flowered couch. (I stay away from florals mostly now)

My very first boyfriend told me he wouldn't have broken up with me if I had given him a BJ. (let's just say this started a whole thought process of "what do men really want? Me or sex? I'm just so fat, they are just horny..)

I had "friends" jokingly tell me for days in spanish that I was a "cabeza de mierda". (Shit head) I took French so I had no idea what this meant. Nice, huh?

So...what's the point here. That words hurt. Especially to those of us whose self esteem is already so low. I always need to be aware of my words with my girls. I don't want to be the one that traumatizes them!

This blogging community is great for words of affirmation! I'm thankful that I don't have to worry about the trauma here. And it is helpful to throw out my trauma. I speak the words that I have not spoken before in hopes that by getting them out I can move past them.

Myth "Bust"ed

One of my greatest "fears" of losing weight is that it would make me look bustier. Now, growing up with two males, anything talk about femininity was out the window. Sure I had aunts who told me minimally about TOM and took me to Sears to buy my first bra, but that was the first and last conversation about womanly things. Because I was big I thought I had big breasts.

So when a good friend of mine hosted a "bra party", I figured (haha) what the heck! I needed a new bra. But I was terrified. I always wear a "C" cup but my friends told me emphatically, "There's no way that is your right size!" So I went fearing that I'd be this huge size and that I'd be ashamed that all along I was wearing the wrong size. HA HA. So really my size is a "B" Cup!! All along I have thought that I had big boobs. I am a big woman, but my boobs are small!!! There was some relief in that in my mindset. First, I'm very self conscious which makes me worry about how busty I look. Second, I was worried as I lost weight, I would be thinner, therefore my boobs would stand out more. I think now knowing that I have a small cup size I can lose weight without fear of that. I did come home that night and tell my husband, "Sorry babe, I had the smallest boobs of anyone at that party!"

Here's some other things I "learned" - Bras are only supportive for about 100 wears.
You shouldn't put bras in the dryer. You should handwash or delicate cycle them in a mesh bag. (No wonder my bras all look horrible!) You should not hang bras up by the straps when they are wet. You shouldn't wear the same bra two days in a row!

Well, I broke about every bra rule in the book! (again, why my bras look the way they do!_