I'm a little bit in a funk the last two days. I'm not sure why..it's really the first time this month that I've felt a bit down. Yesterday I had some binging behavior and ate a bunch of Hostess Powdered Little Bit Donuts and then had a big ol calzone for dinner. Is it terrible, no...since I've been down a LOT of calories this week from being sick. Did it make me feel better? Well, no.
Sometimes I think it's my lack of a "dream" that puts me here. As I spend my days relocating toys to their proper homes, making beds, doing laundry, feeding pets, etc...I think about what is it that I want to do with my life. What can I do? What am I willing to learn? But going back to work is scary after 5 years. Can I find meaning in it or will it make me feel like I'm spinning my wheels?
I have a friend who is struggling with a lot of serious issues and has been for a long time. He recently went to a therapist who told him that maybe he wasn't capable of becoming what he wanted to be. (in his present state). Well, this just made him mad and not want to see her again. I told him I thought he could achieve what he wanted but he had to make changes in his life. She was not wrong. His response was to try and find another therapist. He wants to change, but is not willing to do the hard work. I often parallel my weight loss to his issues. I can talk about it, read about it, get advice about it, but until I am the one doing the work I will not achieve any losses. I can say I want to be thin, but if I am not willing to put down the candy bar, then I am not willing to do the work.
I am willing right now. I AM doing the hard work with weight loss. But am I willing to do hard work anywhere else in life? That is the question I am trying to figure out. Do I have a dream? Am I willing to work hard for that dream?
Great post, Jodie. The whole issue of wanting change but really not being willing to go to any lengths to achieve it is something that haunts me about weight loss pretty often.
ReplyDeleteThe fact that you've been a stay at home mom these years does make one feel possibly unfit or at least nervous about going back to work - I've been there. Just keep letting your mind and your heart "speak" to you, and keep an open mind. Sometimes doors open in subtle ways if we're paying attention.
And I can tell you that when I've been eating well and then get bingey for a day, I get very funky. That may have something to do with your funk - whether it's biochemical or frustration with self over eating. Hang in - you're on a great roll.
I know what you mean about going back to work I have been a stay-at-home mom for almost 15 years. Dec. 13, due to circumstances beyond my control, I was forced to go back to work. I have never been one lacking in confidence in that area, however, I find myself second-guessing myself and being very unsure. Not a pleasant feeling. Hopefully, things will improve as I gain confidence! :)
ReplyDeleteDenise