NOT far away.
Yesterday's post was a tongue in cheek for anyone concerned I was throwing in the towel and saying "screw it" to a healthy life style. It was my humorous attempt at confession instead of beating myself up mentally for being such a failure (trust me...I've done this too in the past 24 hours).
I'm set off these days by the littlest things. Sometimes by reading blogs. and yesterday was a day that I got set off by reading very happy blogs. One friend is writing blogs about traditions of Christmas. It is heartwarming and heartbreaking for me. I love to read about other families traditions, but then it hurts because we had NONE growing up, and hubby is not a Christmas fanatic so while he doesn't mind traditions, he's not one to forge them. Some people have traditions for presents, and cards, and ornaments, and even Christmas wrapping! We had zilch traditions except we got presents under the tree and went to nana's to give her gifts and have dinner. That would qualify as a tradition for most, but we went to Nana's EVERY day because she watched us while dad was at work.
Then I read a blog from a dear friend who is in the adoption process. She has a lot of raw emotion over the process that I know very well. Some of the "Why can so many people who don't even want babies get pregnant and abort them and I can't" emotion. I feel that. I have felt it every time someone I know of gets pregnant. It's hurtful and hard when the most natural thing in the world doesn't happen naturally.
So yesterday, my troubles were close to my heart. I had good long cry out last night. I feel a little better. I'm going for a massage today, that should help too... *sigh*