Sunday, November 29, 2009

There's no place like home... make a healthy mind turn into a relapsing ball of mush. I'm back home from our vacation. (Leslie, I wondered if we passed along the freeway - we were driving Pennsylvania to Chicago today). I did not do well at all since we left Canada. It was almost as if by being back in New England I went back in time to when I ate whatever I want without even thinking about what it was doing to my body. It's no secret that I'm a stress eater. We chose to eat Thanksgiving at a friends house rather than with my brother since he and I have not spoken since July. It was a lovely dinner, but we did go to my brother's for dessert. In 4 hours we spoke 3 times. Once saying hello, once when I complemented his pumpkin pecan pie, and once when leaving to say goodbye. It is sad. I didn't cry and get all worked up (which is normal) but I ate (which is also normal in these circumstances). So maybe something has been worked out in my crazy brain. Then we visited my girls birth mother which gives its own set of stresses. We visited other friends in Pennsylvania the last few days, and again it felt like I had transported myself back to the time when I lived there and ate like there was no tomorrow. It's hard to explain it, but it was all kind of subconcious eating. I'm glad to be home. Glad to be away from all of that. I feel like a better person here. A healthier person physically and emotionally. That's why when people ask if I'd move back to New England, I always, without hesitation, say no! My body hated what I did to it there.

Anyhow. back to work tomorrow. Back to the gym, back to normal eating.


  1. wow jodie,
    It is sad that you and your brother haven't resolved your argument. I know somethings are nearly impossible to resolve, ESPECIALLY during the holidays.
    But eating to cover stress might mean that you revert to the emotional cushion of eating as an automatic response. I used to do this.
    I would start out very well. When my husband wasn't home and was deployed, I would drop 20 to 30 pounds, when he came home...all the stress in our marriage chipped away at the focus until I looked up and the pounds would be back and I would have gained some more.
    I stopped this cycle by confronting instead of eating. I am still married to the same guy, I just handle things much differently than I used to. I was afraid of fighting or confrontation so I would eat my feelings. I was afraid if I voiced my pain, my need for love and acceptance or my need to be treated with respect, he would leave or I would make myself unloveable.
    I ate emotionally alot. Now, when something happens...however painful it might be for me, I resolve it right then. Like my husband made a comment the other day about "now that you've lost weight, your boobs are smaller, maybe we can get you some size f implants (ha ha?)"
    before I would have brushed that off...and ate away the pain or uncertainty.
    Now I say something like "Don't you dare start trying to make me feel bad about my body...I have worked very hard, So I don't want a negative comment about anything, do you understand?"
    He said " I was just kidding".
    I said "well, I am not up for it right now and probably never will be..."
    You see, there is nothing I can do about the size of my boobs...they are a size c...period, and may get smaller.
    I am not going to allow someone to pee on my parade, and neither should you.
    Glad your back home and are back on track. Asserting your rights is very hard to do, and doesn't feel very 'nice'. But wow, once you do...the change in the people around you is just amazing.

  2. Hi Jodie -

    I laughed when I realized we likely did pass each other on some highway yesterday!

    I can so relate to the emotional complexity of family relationships and how it can trigger my oldest patterns of eating as a means of keeping myself numb to feelings evoked by them. Even in situations where I get along wonderfully with everyone, at some deep level something gets tweaked and eating redefines itself as my default setting.

    I'm sorry about your current cold war with your brother - that has to be tough, but it sounds like you handled it well and didn't get blindsided by it.

    It must really be tough to visit your girls' birth mother. These are really big issues that it sounds like you navigated well.

    I didn't realize you live in Chicago. I love that city! It's so friendly, as well as user friendly - easy to get around, and beautiful. We did the Architectural Boat tour that was great!

    Well, here's to a solid week of self care and self love via good eating, exercise, and blogging! Have a good Monday. And there's an award for you over on my blog to pick up when you get around to it!

  3. Girl, I'm so with you--today is back to sanity for me too. I'm sorry you had to deal with so much stress for your holiday. I hope things will be much better now that you are back home and back to your routine!

  4. Hey Jodie!

    I'm missing your pithy posting! Get yourself back to the blog and catch us up. I hope all is well.

    Hugs, Leslie