Sometimes life just sucks

It's true.  I had a terrible day yesterday, which translates to terrible eating.

First, it's the 7 month anniversary of my dad dying. 
That needs no extra explanation.

Second, I'm lonely during the day.  I'm home with the baby, but all of my SAHM friends went back to work this year.  So between them and my dad, I always had conversations during the day.  Now - crickets.

Third;  My friendships at the fitness center have changed since my dad died.  I guess the gals just couldn't wait for me to get over my depression of grief, so they've moved on..caring about each other and doing stuff and just leaving me out.  I'm finally feeling back in the groove with everything and then I feel like I'm hitting a wall.  Like I posted on our facebook page about getting together for a pedi on Sunday afternoon.  Now previous peeps put that up and immediately either one was a yes or no....For me...again  Crickets.

Sometimes life just sucks.

The Old Breakdown

Since I deleted my weight chart from my prior weight loss to start a new one, I wanted to do a post of the monthly losses so I can see how on target I am as I lose now.

Jan 2011 - 7.5 lbs
Feb 2011 - 0 lbs
March 2011 - 6.5 lbs
April 2011 - 11 lbs
May 2011 - 12.5 lbs
June 2011 - 9.5 lbs
July 2011 - 12.5 lbs
Aug 2011 - 9 lbs
Sep 2011 - 4 lbs
Oct 2011 - 7.5 lbs
Nov 2011 - 8 lbs
Dec 2011 - 3 lbs
Jan 2012 - 7 lbs
Feb 2012 - 3 lbs

Total loss - 101 lbs in 1 year and 2 months.

I can do this again.  I'm having a blue day, and I really want to eat.  But I'm not going to.  I've had a pretty perfect almost 2 weeks...I'm going to keep going!

What to Do With A Scale Fail.

It's been so long since I've weighed myself daily, I kind of forgot this frustrating part.  When you do everything perfectly and the scale does not move.  For days.  This time it has only been 3 days, but it still is frustrating as all heck.

So my brain is trying to figure out why....hmm...I ran the race Sunday and my leg muscles are sore, so I could be retaining water still, especially because I cycled yesterday.

It could be because I'm ovulating, because it might just be about that time and often you retain water during that phase.

Or it could just BE!

Either way, I'm on target for my workout an weight goals for October, so I should be okay.  And if I don't make the weight one..I'll be oh so close.

So I'm not too worried...even if I want to throw my scale out the window!

Corn Maze 5K 2013

Well, I jog/walked a pitiful 48 minutes.  Two years ago I ran it in 37 minutes.   http://biggerthanababyelephant.blogspot.com/2011_10_01_archive.html

There's the post about that.

But I'm not entirely discouraged for the following reasons:

1:  I have not trained AT ALL for this 5k.
2:  I have not jogged since April 2012 when I got pregnant with Charlotte
3:  I weigh 50 lbs more than I did at that race.  If that me carried 50 lbs while jogging, I bet she'd run a lot slower!

Yes, I'm discouraged about the weight, but this journey, this battle, is a mental one.  I am glad I went out and did it.  I felt the rush I used to feel.  As I was going, I didn't feel defeated, but empowered.

So there you go! 

People are rarely as disgusted with you as you are with yourself...

I find this title statement to be true.  Although in my head, I think people are embarrassed for me, ashamed of me, think badly of me for the weight gain, it's really myself who thinks these things.

Most people are encouraging, have a "you can do it" attitude and just see me, who came through a very very hard year.

Is it narcissistic to think others are thinking about you?  I'm not sure.  I'm such a people pleaser, I hate thinking I've let anyone down.  But the reality is the only person I've let down is myself.  Not my husband, not my kids, not my gym instructors - JUST me.

And so it is.

I'm glad I remember...

I'm glad I remember what it feels like to work out weighing 90 lbs less than this.  Because it keeps me motivated.  I also work out harder because I know what I "can" do, so no need to hold back.

I'm glad I remember the highs of trying on new clothes and having them fit (and not from the plus sized section).  Although this temporary wearing of fat clothes is depressing, I have lots of clothes to fit back into and rejoice when I do!

I'm glad I remember that I can't lose  a lb every day.  (It'd be nice but not reality!)


I've had a pretty perfect week of eating and working out.  I feel good (a bit tired) 

Probably the best i've felt since April 2012 - when I got pregnant and found out my dad had cancer.

If It's Not One Thing...it's Another

Sometimes I feel like I can't catch a break!  Since November of last year I have been dealing with very painful plantar fasciitis.  I just recently was released from physical therapy and I'm about 95 percent better...just as that happens, I pull something in my anterior deltoid (shoulder area)!  Grr..  until I became pregnant, I may have had one injury in the whole time I worked out!!

I'm also dealing with "mommy brain" in my classes.  My brain just cannot remember steps I completely know by heart, so I look like a big dufus in our dance class!!

Otherwise, all is good.  Very good.