As I type this I am sore. I haven't felt a lot of soreness these past few weeks, but today it is here.
This morning I took BodyStep. The class was pretty good. I was breathing heavily and sweating profusely, so that is a good thing. The class instructor (Donna H) was a little loopy. She added all these dance hand moves to go along with stepping. It was fun, but made me feel like I was auditioning for A Chorus Line!
This afternoon we had wood delivered for the winter. They just drive up and drop in in the driveway, so I went ahead and stacked it. Normally I would have left this job to my hubby, but in my effort to be a better wife, and my generally pleasant mood lately I decided to do it for him. He probably won't like the way I did it, but it's done, nevertheless. So the two things combined have made my legs quite sore. K wanted to work out at the gym tonight, but I don't think I could work out any more and still be able to do anything tomorrow. My girls helped with the wood and they were so precious.
I've been eating pretty well lately. Lots of veggies and fruits with occasionally treats like candy bars or icecream. My goal is to feel normal. And normal people eat those things in moderation. So therefore, I can eat them in moderation as well. It will prevent me from binging, hopefully.
It's C's first night of ballet class and I'm excited for her. I confess that I do live out some of my childhood unmet desires through my kids. If I would have been thin, I would have enjoyed ballet. C is very gifted rythmically and if she enjoys it, I want to see her succeed at whatever she chooses. S is taking swimming, because that is where she is gifted. C will learn to swim as well, but she's not ready yet. I don't believe in forcing kids into things they are clearly not ready or have an aptitude for. At least not at a young age. When they are older I want them to try things to see if they like them, but now it is just too frustrating for them when they can't do something.
Off to get a snack...
Monday, August 31, 2009
Sunday, August 30, 2009
How could I forget to mention the bicycle is a good invention
Thanks to the Red Hot Chili Peppers for the Blog Title today...
I was planning to head over to the fitness center today after lunch. Lunch this week has been turkey sandwich with Miracle Whip, lettuce, tomatoes and basil. Sometimes I have it on a wrap, sometimes in bread. And Miracle Whip? It really IS a miracle. It doesn't have much fat or carbs or calories per serving! AMEN! I side it with fruit and celery or carrots. Then maybe a few tostitos with salsa. It is filling and not too caloric.
So I was dressed and on my way out the door when I looked at my bike in the corner of the garage. It is a GORGEOUS day here. 66 degrees and bright sun! I said to myself "Why shouldn't I ride my real bike instead of the stationary ones at the gym?" So I did it. Now my bike is a Worksman Cycle and made for plus sized people. I bought at at Supersizedcycles.com. It's great. Its an old fashioned "newsgirl" looking bike with a very wide seat and wide tires. Most bikes at a bike shop have tires that I was always afraid would pop under my weight, but not these! I recommend it! So I rode.
I rode 4 miles! I've learned a few things
1. Riding a road bike is much harder than riding stationary or spinning! You aren't having to pull all your body weight at the fitness center.
2. I am in much better shape from just this month of working out. A couple months ago I couldn't even ride down the street.
3. I probably could work harder in spin class knowing the first two!
We live a bit out in the country and have a 4 mile loop that is kind of wavy. I thought it would be easy since it's not very hilly, but I realized that wavy hills are almost worse because there is almost no coasting down a hill or chance to build up speed. It was very peaceful riding though..barely any cars between fields of corn and soy beans, feeling the sun, hearing the crickets chirp. It was really amazing. I did rest a few times and did walk my bike for one small hill towards the end because I didn't think my legs could take it! BUT I DID IT!!!!!!!!!
I am amazed at myself. I don't think I've ever ridden a road bike for 4 miles in my life.
Life is beautiful!
I was planning to head over to the fitness center today after lunch. Lunch this week has been turkey sandwich with Miracle Whip, lettuce, tomatoes and basil. Sometimes I have it on a wrap, sometimes in bread. And Miracle Whip? It really IS a miracle. It doesn't have much fat or carbs or calories per serving! AMEN! I side it with fruit and celery or carrots. Then maybe a few tostitos with salsa. It is filling and not too caloric.
So I was dressed and on my way out the door when I looked at my bike in the corner of the garage. It is a GORGEOUS day here. 66 degrees and bright sun! I said to myself "Why shouldn't I ride my real bike instead of the stationary ones at the gym?" So I did it. Now my bike is a Worksman Cycle and made for plus sized people. I bought at at Supersizedcycles.com. It's great. Its an old fashioned "newsgirl" looking bike with a very wide seat and wide tires. Most bikes at a bike shop have tires that I was always afraid would pop under my weight, but not these! I recommend it! So I rode.
I rode 4 miles! I've learned a few things
1. Riding a road bike is much harder than riding stationary or spinning! You aren't having to pull all your body weight at the fitness center.
2. I am in much better shape from just this month of working out. A couple months ago I couldn't even ride down the street.
3. I probably could work harder in spin class knowing the first two!
We live a bit out in the country and have a 4 mile loop that is kind of wavy. I thought it would be easy since it's not very hilly, but I realized that wavy hills are almost worse because there is almost no coasting down a hill or chance to build up speed. It was very peaceful riding though..barely any cars between fields of corn and soy beans, feeling the sun, hearing the crickets chirp. It was really amazing. I did rest a few times and did walk my bike for one small hill towards the end because I didn't think my legs could take it! BUT I DID IT!!!!!!!!!
I am amazed at myself. I don't think I've ever ridden a road bike for 4 miles in my life.
Life is beautiful!
Saturday, August 29, 2009
BodyPump
I am certifiably crazy. Last night, K wanted to work out, so we went to the fitness center and I took a BodyPump class. I was curious because I haven' t tried it yet because I was worried it was all lunges and squats and my knees don't like that too much! Remember I had already done the cycle class in the AM! Surprisingly, I could actually move today. (I'm sure it's because my leg muscles are already very well toned for being overweight)
Body Pump was run by a very nice woman Kiersten. (I think I would like her just by her name. I have never known anyone named Kiersten that was not cute and bubbly). The class used actual weights. Dumbbells and Barbells. I used a lower weight since it was my first class. It wasn't too bad, although I find it hard to control the barbell sometimes...especially when we were lying on our backs doing chest presses. My shoulders definitely got a work out. I did as much as I could with the squats and lunges. I had a little trouble changing the weights on the bar when we needed to. At least there was no ball involved!! I worked up a good sweat. It wasn't my favorite class, but I really did like the instructor. Today's a break day, unless I feel like working out tonight on the elliptical.
So the classes I haven't taken yet: Body Combat, Body Step, Step N Pump, RPM cycle. Body Jam and a bunch of Yogas that I haven't been terribly interested in.
I'm really looking forward to Zumba in the fall. :)
Oh, I saw a great t-shirt yesterday on someone: It says "I'd give up chocolate, but I'm not a quitter!" I love it!!
Body Pump was run by a very nice woman Kiersten. (I think I would like her just by her name. I have never known anyone named Kiersten that was not cute and bubbly). The class used actual weights. Dumbbells and Barbells. I used a lower weight since it was my first class. It wasn't too bad, although I find it hard to control the barbell sometimes...especially when we were lying on our backs doing chest presses. My shoulders definitely got a work out. I did as much as I could with the squats and lunges. I had a little trouble changing the weights on the bar when we needed to. At least there was no ball involved!! I worked up a good sweat. It wasn't my favorite class, but I really did like the instructor. Today's a break day, unless I feel like working out tonight on the elliptical.
So the classes I haven't taken yet: Body Combat, Body Step, Step N Pump, RPM cycle. Body Jam and a bunch of Yogas that I haven't been terribly interested in.
I'm really looking forward to Zumba in the fall. :)
Oh, I saw a great t-shirt yesterday on someone: It says "I'd give up chocolate, but I'm not a quitter!" I love it!!
Friday, August 28, 2009
I didn't die....and....I am not ashamed
Well clearly since I'm here typing I did not die today at the fitness center during Power Cycle spin class. 60 minutes. 277K Calories - this doesn't really seem right to me though. I thought it should be much higher. I did, at the recommendation of an old childhood friend, buy a gel seat cover at Walmart ($10) to help. My butt was still sore, but not nearly as much as last Friday when I took the class and only lasted 30 minutes. I cycled over 21 miles! It was such an exciting achievement. I even adjusted tension and cycled while standing a few times!!! Today's tears were ones of joy. I honestly thought I would pass out or have a heart attack cycling for 60 minutes. Uh, crap...I guess that means I can do it again....
Today's thoughts while in the sauna: (I really think of lots of things in there)
I must live like I am not ashamed of who I am. Only then will I start living like a normal person. What these means to me in the overweight life is that
-I do not hide in the dressing rooms to change at the fitness center. I change in front of my locker like everyone else. At the very least I am a walking advertisement of why people should not overeat.
-I do not bring my own supersized towel to the fitness center. Yes, I do need 2 of the small towels to wrap around my body, but I do it. Why should I have to do more laundry than healthy people?
-I use the sauna and steam room, wrapped in my 2 towels. I had been changing into my bathing suit to use them but then decided that unless I'm swimming, there's no reason to have to wash my suit! Someone came in fully clothes in workout clothes, so I could do that too, I suppose.
- I do not change in the shower stall. I walk through the locker room wrapped in my 2 towels. I hold my head up high. No one has yet to snicker and point.
- I do not stay at the back of the class and avoid eye contact with everyone. (I may start out the first class in the back for a better observation point) I ask questions of the instructors. I talk to the other class attenders, see what else they like at the fitness center. I am there to better myself and learn how to do it better. I am not there to be a wallflower
- I do not ONLY go to aqua aerobics. I really like water fitness, but I shouldn't limit myself to a pool with mostly ladies over the age of 50. I am overweight, but my heart works just fine.
-I do not give up because I can't do a move the instructor does. I am overweight so OF COURSE I can't do everything they do. But I can modify it and then ask after class if that is OK. The instructors can see that I'm trying and usually they say "Just keep moving" and will tell me if my posture is wrong or I'm going to injure myself with my modifications.
There is only one thing that I need to get over my embarrasment for and that is for the big balls. I know it is the best ab work I've done, but I can't yet bring myself to do abs on them when I'm on the fitness floor. In class with others, yes I'll do it, but by myself..I'm still shy.
Here's to feeling good about myself..physically and emotionally.
Today's thoughts while in the sauna: (I really think of lots of things in there)
I must live like I am not ashamed of who I am. Only then will I start living like a normal person. What these means to me in the overweight life is that
-I do not hide in the dressing rooms to change at the fitness center. I change in front of my locker like everyone else. At the very least I am a walking advertisement of why people should not overeat.
-I do not bring my own supersized towel to the fitness center. Yes, I do need 2 of the small towels to wrap around my body, but I do it. Why should I have to do more laundry than healthy people?
-I use the sauna and steam room, wrapped in my 2 towels. I had been changing into my bathing suit to use them but then decided that unless I'm swimming, there's no reason to have to wash my suit! Someone came in fully clothes in workout clothes, so I could do that too, I suppose.
- I do not change in the shower stall. I walk through the locker room wrapped in my 2 towels. I hold my head up high. No one has yet to snicker and point.
- I do not stay at the back of the class and avoid eye contact with everyone. (I may start out the first class in the back for a better observation point) I ask questions of the instructors. I talk to the other class attenders, see what else they like at the fitness center. I am there to better myself and learn how to do it better. I am not there to be a wallflower
- I do not ONLY go to aqua aerobics. I really like water fitness, but I shouldn't limit myself to a pool with mostly ladies over the age of 50. I am overweight, but my heart works just fine.
-I do not give up because I can't do a move the instructor does. I am overweight so OF COURSE I can't do everything they do. But I can modify it and then ask after class if that is OK. The instructors can see that I'm trying and usually they say "Just keep moving" and will tell me if my posture is wrong or I'm going to injure myself with my modifications.
There is only one thing that I need to get over my embarrasment for and that is for the big balls. I know it is the best ab work I've done, but I can't yet bring myself to do abs on them when I'm on the fitness floor. In class with others, yes I'll do it, but by myself..I'm still shy.
Here's to feeling good about myself..physically and emotionally.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
It's not my fault...uh....really!
So I'm blogging twice today because I feel like it. I starting thinking about how much time I have spent blaming others for my overweight life.
-It's my mother's fault for leaving when I was a toddler
-It's my father's fault for never taking me anywhere except to bars and baseball games and feeding us garbage day after day.
-It's my brother's fault for being an ass and treating me like a second rate citizen, meanwhile having people fawn over his charming, but really fake, ways
-It's my grandmother's fault for feeding me cookies and not teaching me control. For allowing me to remain fat as a child and not finding ways to help me.
-It's my husband's fault for not loving me like I want to be loved. For looking at porn and making me feel so unattractive
-It's my kid's fault for screaming and crying and fighting and wearing down my every last nerve.
-It's the media's fault for stresses crappy food that we HAVE to try.
-It's restaurants fault for doubling portion sizes so we are really eating for 2 when we eat out
-It's all THEIR fault.
Um...well now that I think about it... after a certain point it became MY fault. I can give blame to the parents for not starting me off on a course for proper nutrition, but once I became a teenager, really it was up to me. A friend of my in jr. high's parents offered to send me to a "fat camp" one summer. They were going to pay for me to go and for the clothes. I didn't go. I was afraid. I was embarrassed. My father would have let me. Now I wish that I had gone. That was my fault.
When I moved out of the house at 18 I had every opportunity to buy healthy food and eat well. Instead I ate Ramen Noodles and Chips and Cookies. That was my choice.
When I got a job at an international bank at 20, I could have eaten the salad bar for lunch, but instead I got a sandwich with fries. That was my choice
When I got married, I could have chosen to make healthier meals instead of meatloaf and mashed potatoes and cranberry chicken. I could have chosen not to visit the Chinese Restaurant next door every other day for Lunch Special #31 - Chicken with Broccoli and Chicken Fingers
But I didn't.
When I went to college I did not have to eat 2 candy bars most everyday, but I did.
You see, it was someone else's fault, but for the past 20 or so years, it has been the choices *I* have made that has led me to the overweight life. It's very easy to pass the buck and place the blame. It is harder to recognize and accept that most of the blame lies with me. I didn't want to be this way, it's just what happened when I refused to take care of myself. It isn't out of ignorance. I've known what to do for almost all of the years where I was responsible. It's not rocket science: "Eat Less, Move More, Drink Water" I've tried WW 4 or 5 times in the past, but I am realizing, it isn't about a program...it's about a lifestyle. People are healthy because they work at it. Noone else is making them. I want to blame myself for being healthy. I want to take the credit for THAT. But in all honesty and shame, I have to take the blame for THIS - the overweight life.
-It's my mother's fault for leaving when I was a toddler
-It's my father's fault for never taking me anywhere except to bars and baseball games and feeding us garbage day after day.
-It's my brother's fault for being an ass and treating me like a second rate citizen, meanwhile having people fawn over his charming, but really fake, ways
-It's my grandmother's fault for feeding me cookies and not teaching me control. For allowing me to remain fat as a child and not finding ways to help me.
-It's my husband's fault for not loving me like I want to be loved. For looking at porn and making me feel so unattractive
-It's my kid's fault for screaming and crying and fighting and wearing down my every last nerve.
-It's the media's fault for stresses crappy food that we HAVE to try.
-It's restaurants fault for doubling portion sizes so we are really eating for 2 when we eat out
-It's all THEIR fault.
Um...well now that I think about it... after a certain point it became MY fault. I can give blame to the parents for not starting me off on a course for proper nutrition, but once I became a teenager, really it was up to me. A friend of my in jr. high's parents offered to send me to a "fat camp" one summer. They were going to pay for me to go and for the clothes. I didn't go. I was afraid. I was embarrassed. My father would have let me. Now I wish that I had gone. That was my fault.
When I moved out of the house at 18 I had every opportunity to buy healthy food and eat well. Instead I ate Ramen Noodles and Chips and Cookies. That was my choice.
When I got a job at an international bank at 20, I could have eaten the salad bar for lunch, but instead I got a sandwich with fries. That was my choice
When I got married, I could have chosen to make healthier meals instead of meatloaf and mashed potatoes and cranberry chicken. I could have chosen not to visit the Chinese Restaurant next door every other day for Lunch Special #31 - Chicken with Broccoli and Chicken Fingers
But I didn't.
When I went to college I did not have to eat 2 candy bars most everyday, but I did.
You see, it was someone else's fault, but for the past 20 or so years, it has been the choices *I* have made that has led me to the overweight life. It's very easy to pass the buck and place the blame. It is harder to recognize and accept that most of the blame lies with me. I didn't want to be this way, it's just what happened when I refused to take care of myself. It isn't out of ignorance. I've known what to do for almost all of the years where I was responsible. It's not rocket science: "Eat Less, Move More, Drink Water" I've tried WW 4 or 5 times in the past, but I am realizing, it isn't about a program...it's about a lifestyle. People are healthy because they work at it. Noone else is making them. I want to blame myself for being healthy. I want to take the credit for THAT. But in all honesty and shame, I have to take the blame for THIS - the overweight life.
Sex and the Fitness Center
Notice I said Sex AND the Fitness Center, NOT "IN" the fitness center!! ;)
It must be said that working out has made me more amorous, or at least more willing to be amorous, than I have been probably since I first got married. I don't know if its the endorphins, or the fact that my body is getting more flexible and easier to move thanks to the classes but K is certainly glad for it! I know, this is a little more information that most people need, but I believe that it is important to acknowledge the changes in our lives as we work to improve ourselves! And this has been a very noted change. Prior to exercising, I rarely wanted to be intimate. My husband probably holds a record of hearing, "not tonight, honey." And honestly, most of our biggest fights have been my lack of desire for it. But at least for now, for the last few weeks, I've been more open and felt better and happier. Because nothing else has changed, I must contribute it to the exercise and feeling better about myself.
My K has been great. We worked out again last night...(another 2x day). I did 35 minutes on the bike, walked 1/2 a mile and did some arm work with the bands. I just enjoy him being at the fitness center with me. He's been a great encouragement regarding the annoyance of the scale not moving as fast as it did with WW. I used to lose 4-6 lbs per week on WW. (Of course I wasn't exercising then and gaining muscle AND I gained it all back) I'm a numbers girl, so it IS hard not to see that scale move much, but K has kept my spirits up.
Another rainy day. I'm probably going to miss my favorite class, Body Flow because I have to bring my daughter to test for the state preschool. There's another class tonight, but I'm not sure if K will be home in time to do it.
It must be said that working out has made me more amorous, or at least more willing to be amorous, than I have been probably since I first got married. I don't know if its the endorphins, or the fact that my body is getting more flexible and easier to move thanks to the classes but K is certainly glad for it! I know, this is a little more information that most people need, but I believe that it is important to acknowledge the changes in our lives as we work to improve ourselves! And this has been a very noted change. Prior to exercising, I rarely wanted to be intimate. My husband probably holds a record of hearing, "not tonight, honey." And honestly, most of our biggest fights have been my lack of desire for it. But at least for now, for the last few weeks, I've been more open and felt better and happier. Because nothing else has changed, I must contribute it to the exercise and feeling better about myself.
My K has been great. We worked out again last night...(another 2x day). I did 35 minutes on the bike, walked 1/2 a mile and did some arm work with the bands. I just enjoy him being at the fitness center with me. He's been a great encouragement regarding the annoyance of the scale not moving as fast as it did with WW. I used to lose 4-6 lbs per week on WW. (Of course I wasn't exercising then and gaining muscle AND I gained it all back) I'm a numbers girl, so it IS hard not to see that scale move much, but K has kept my spirits up.
Another rainy day. I'm probably going to miss my favorite class, Body Flow because I have to bring my daughter to test for the state preschool. There's another class tonight, but I'm not sure if K will be home in time to do it.
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Sweat and Tears (No Blood)
Today I'm still sore from Monday's workouts (plural) so I wasn't sure about going to class. I wanted to go to BodyVive but the kids slept in until after 8:30! I couldn't make a 9:15 spin class so I was stuck with a 10:15 Total Body Conditioning. I liked this instructor a little bit more than Lisa (the last time I took TBC) but not as good as the first class which had a substitute. For some reason this is only a 45 minute class, but I still did sweat a lot again. The problem with this class was that she did a lot of lunging and squats , which kills my pre-arthritic knees! I modified the best I could. The tears came when we were doing tricep work with a weighted bar and I wasn't feeling it in my triceps but in my forearms. I got so sad that my body just doesn't work normally and the right muscle groups aren't working as they should because I'm so fat. It's just depressing. I generally never "feel it" the way the instructor says it is supposed to feel. I know as long as I'm moving and following the form of the instructor I'm doing fine and burning calories and working on losing it, but it still gets to me. I honestly am not sure exactly where my abs are because of the fat. I know I feel pain when I do sit ups around my belly button area, so I hope thats it. I guess I'm making muscles everywhere and anywhere...
I am drinking fountains of water for sure. This is what I wanted to do over a year ago when we got water service when I joined WW. Needless to say we had about 20 5 gallon bottles of water reserves at least when me moved to our new house in February. Now i am drinking probably near to a gallon a day! My husband is happy for sure that we are using up the water...although for now in the event of an emergency, you know where to go for water!!
The scale today said 285.3. (at 11:15 - after a workout and a shower, fully dressed) I'm not going to do a chart or anything. I just wanted to post it down so someday I can look back and see. Maybe I'll post my weight every 5 lbs or so. Or maybe just when I feel I need to see the number to keep encouraged. I'm encouraged now. I feel better about myself. I'm allowing myself the time to take care of me, something I've never done. Oh, I've had the time - (I was single until I was 29) but then I was just depressed that noone loved me and probably wouldn't because I was so fat. And I was worried that I would hate people if they started loving me when I became thin. So I remained fat. I did have a couple of boyfriends, some of which didn't treat me terribly well and certainly never made me feel unconditionally loved. I have that now, and 2 beautiful children who light up my world when they aren't fighting with each other! Today after my class, my oldest (by two minutes she'll tell everyone) asked me "How was the work out, Mom?" Both my girls are great encouragers and I'm blessed to have them. So now I'm trying. It's my time, even if there is sweat and tears, and even a little blood if there has to be.
I am drinking fountains of water for sure. This is what I wanted to do over a year ago when we got water service when I joined WW. Needless to say we had about 20 5 gallon bottles of water reserves at least when me moved to our new house in February. Now i am drinking probably near to a gallon a day! My husband is happy for sure that we are using up the water...although for now in the event of an emergency, you know where to go for water!!
The scale today said 285.3. (at 11:15 - after a workout and a shower, fully dressed) I'm not going to do a chart or anything. I just wanted to post it down so someday I can look back and see. Maybe I'll post my weight every 5 lbs or so. Or maybe just when I feel I need to see the number to keep encouraged. I'm encouraged now. I feel better about myself. I'm allowing myself the time to take care of me, something I've never done. Oh, I've had the time - (I was single until I was 29) but then I was just depressed that noone loved me and probably wouldn't because I was so fat. And I was worried that I would hate people if they started loving me when I became thin. So I remained fat. I did have a couple of boyfriends, some of which didn't treat me terribly well and certainly never made me feel unconditionally loved. I have that now, and 2 beautiful children who light up my world when they aren't fighting with each other! Today after my class, my oldest (by two minutes she'll tell everyone) asked me "How was the work out, Mom?" Both my girls are great encouragers and I'm blessed to have them. So now I'm trying. It's my time, even if there is sweat and tears, and even a little blood if there has to be.
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