What to Do With A Scale Fail.

It's been so long since I've weighed myself daily, I kind of forgot this frustrating part.  When you do everything perfectly and the scale does not move.  For days.  This time it has only been 3 days, but it still is frustrating as all heck.

So my brain is trying to figure out why....hmm...I ran the race Sunday and my leg muscles are sore, so I could be retaining water still, especially because I cycled yesterday.

It could be because I'm ovulating, because it might just be about that time and often you retain water during that phase.

Or it could just BE!

Either way, I'm on target for my workout an weight goals for October, so I should be okay.  And if I don't make the weight one..I'll be oh so close.

So I'm not too worried...even if I want to throw my scale out the window!

Corn Maze 5K 2013

Well, I jog/walked a pitiful 48 minutes.  Two years ago I ran it in 37 minutes.   http://biggerthanababyelephant.blogspot.com/2011_10_01_archive.html

There's the post about that.

But I'm not entirely discouraged for the following reasons:

1:  I have not trained AT ALL for this 5k.
2:  I have not jogged since April 2012 when I got pregnant with Charlotte
3:  I weigh 50 lbs more than I did at that race.  If that me carried 50 lbs while jogging, I bet she'd run a lot slower!

Yes, I'm discouraged about the weight, but this journey, this battle, is a mental one.  I am glad I went out and did it.  I felt the rush I used to feel.  As I was going, I didn't feel defeated, but empowered.

So there you go! 

People are rarely as disgusted with you as you are with yourself...

I find this title statement to be true.  Although in my head, I think people are embarrassed for me, ashamed of me, think badly of me for the weight gain, it's really myself who thinks these things.

Most people are encouraging, have a "you can do it" attitude and just see me, who came through a very very hard year.

Is it narcissistic to think others are thinking about you?  I'm not sure.  I'm such a people pleaser, I hate thinking I've let anyone down.  But the reality is the only person I've let down is myself.  Not my husband, not my kids, not my gym instructors - JUST me.

And so it is.

I'm glad I remember...

I'm glad I remember what it feels like to work out weighing 90 lbs less than this.  Because it keeps me motivated.  I also work out harder because I know what I "can" do, so no need to hold back.

I'm glad I remember the highs of trying on new clothes and having them fit (and not from the plus sized section).  Although this temporary wearing of fat clothes is depressing, I have lots of clothes to fit back into and rejoice when I do!

I'm glad I remember that I can't lose  a lb every day.  (It'd be nice but not reality!)


I've had a pretty perfect week of eating and working out.  I feel good (a bit tired) 

Probably the best i've felt since April 2012 - when I got pregnant and found out my dad had cancer.

If It's Not One Thing...it's Another

Sometimes I feel like I can't catch a break!  Since November of last year I have been dealing with very painful plantar fasciitis.  I just recently was released from physical therapy and I'm about 95 percent better...just as that happens, I pull something in my anterior deltoid (shoulder area)!  Grr..  until I became pregnant, I may have had one injury in the whole time I worked out!!

I'm also dealing with "mommy brain" in my classes.  My brain just cannot remember steps I completely know by heart, so I look like a big dufus in our dance class!!

Otherwise, all is good.  Very good.

When you Commit - It works.

I know why I gained weight the last year and a half (and it wasn't JUST because I had a baby!).  It's because I ate carton after carton of ice cream...days of McDonald's Egg Mcmuffins and Donuts and dinners of pizza and fried chicken.  If there was a time that I needed comfort food it was after my Dad passed away.  I miss him terribly still, but after almost 7 months, I am able to function much more reasonably.

But I also know why I didn't lose.  Because I wouldn't commit to doing it.  My emotions were every where.  I could do one day, but then not the next, so between sobs I would drive to the nearest store and buy chocolate. 

When I commit, great things happen.  The scale goes down - CONSISTENTLY.   Even though I weigh a lot more then my best weight right now, I feel as committed as I was then.  Sure, it's been a week (although with the Diet Coke it's been 30 days) and I could easily jump off again.  But seeing the scale move is motivating.  Enough so that I want to blog - which is another great tool to help in this journey.

I've been down this road.  It's familiar territory.  It should be easier this time!  :)

Why I Don't Just Give Up

It would be very easy to just give up.  Just say, "I'm fat again, so be it...it's just too much work to stay thin"

But I can't.  For one, I hate how my body feels.  I cringe when my kids hug me sometimes because I remember what it was like now when I was thinner.

Two:  I hate how I look.  I miss seeing a thin face.  I had not seen one my entire life, and then I did.  I want it back.

Three:  Clothes.  I hate fat clothes.  I'm so depressed every day getting dressed. 

Four: 

Just a few reasons...there are more for sure!