Okay...if you don't know what WTF is, I won't tell you, but it's the response I thought when I learned today that I have lost almost one lb of lean muscle mass. I've lost 29 lbs of fat but not gained any muscle? How is this possible? How have I LOST muscle with the cycling and yoga and body pump and swim? UGH... I went to get some body fat analysis to help keep me motivated and while i have lost almost 5% of body fat since I started I still don't get how I have not gained muscle!
The trainer said that I might be able to do the things I couldn't before (like plank positions and pushups) because I weigh less, not because of gained muscle. *SIGH* I mean it's all good to have lost 30 lbs, but I really really thought I had gained muscle. Oh well. Off to celebrate one of my bestest friends birthdays!!!
Tuesday, January 19, 2010
Monday, January 18, 2010
Ugh. Argh. Grrr..
Can you guess what type of mood I'm in. I'm hoping it is only PMS and I'll feel better once it starts, but seriously I hate everything and everyone. I have anxiety attacks as my children loudly and joyfully play in the house because it's just too loud and overstimulating. I had a free two hours today as my kids went to a birthday party. I did some errands ...one of which was to a lovely little bakery run by French nuns where I got chocolate croissants. I feel like garbage right now.
If I ate better today and yesterday would I feel better? Probably yes. But I just have issues. Well, we ALL have issues, don't we? Today is my stinky brother's birthday and I have not called. This is hard for me because I ALWAYS do the "expected" thing. But seriously, for my birthday I got a late in the day Happy Birthday message on Facebook from him. We said 3 sentences to each other at Thanksgiving and he still hasn't mailed his nieces Christmas presents because he just forgot about it. Ahh...maybe if I could be just a bit like that and just forget people...
Hubby and I got into some big issues this weekend too...again probably not the best timing if it is PMS. He's stressed about the other house. I guess I'm cavalier about the things that are upsetting to him and he's cavalier about the things that upset me, like relationships. Balance really, but sometimes it's annoying.
Tomorrow is another day, always fresh with no mistakes in it.
If I ate better today and yesterday would I feel better? Probably yes. But I just have issues. Well, we ALL have issues, don't we? Today is my stinky brother's birthday and I have not called. This is hard for me because I ALWAYS do the "expected" thing. But seriously, for my birthday I got a late in the day Happy Birthday message on Facebook from him. We said 3 sentences to each other at Thanksgiving and he still hasn't mailed his nieces Christmas presents because he just forgot about it. Ahh...maybe if I could be just a bit like that and just forget people...
Hubby and I got into some big issues this weekend too...again probably not the best timing if it is PMS. He's stressed about the other house. I guess I'm cavalier about the things that are upsetting to him and he's cavalier about the things that upset me, like relationships. Balance really, but sometimes it's annoying.
Tomorrow is another day, always fresh with no mistakes in it.
Friday, January 15, 2010
It is what it is...
I know my title today sounds like this is going to be a depressing post about my weigh in today, but it's not. I'm at 258.9 which is better than my goal for this week by one pound! Seriously, it could have been better without my indiscretions of cookies and honey buns and cheetos, but I'm satisfied to not have gained. This also means I am finally out of the 260's! and my total loss since August is 31.1 lbs. Not terrible.
We met a few days ago with a financial advisor who after hearing our woes of having 2 mortgages for the last year just calmly approached it with the "It is what it is" philosophy. No second guessing, no looking back, just looking at where we can go from here and what we can do to better our financial future.
I need a better grasp on this philosophy and I think a lot of people in the same boat probably do too! I think if I could just accept that this weight I have now is what it is and stop being depressed about it and instead just focus completely (without judgement or second guessing) on what I can do to better my physical future. Simple concept, not always simple execution.
It is what it is....What will it be tomorrow?
We met a few days ago with a financial advisor who after hearing our woes of having 2 mortgages for the last year just calmly approached it with the "It is what it is" philosophy. No second guessing, no looking back, just looking at where we can go from here and what we can do to better our financial future.
I need a better grasp on this philosophy and I think a lot of people in the same boat probably do too! I think if I could just accept that this weight I have now is what it is and stop being depressed about it and instead just focus completely (without judgement or second guessing) on what I can do to better my physical future. Simple concept, not always simple execution.
It is what it is....What will it be tomorrow?
Thursday, January 14, 2010
White Outside, Blue Inside
I haven't posted in a few days. I haven't had anything awful to report, thankfully, but nothing super great to report either. I've been to spin class 2 days this week. I don't remember what I did Monday. I've been in a blue mood, so I'm generally not inspired to write. The last couple of days I've been catching up on reading and commenting on blogs. I usually always read, but don't always comment, so I've been trying to do that so I can be as encouraging to others as they are to me.
Nothing wrong per se... always dealing with the sadness of my upbringing. A cousin of mine posted a picture of when she and I were babies, she 1, me probably 2 1/2. I have no pictures of me at this age. Apparently, when my mother left she took all those pictures. And my dad didn't really take many. I need to ask my aunts to send some to me. Then I won't have to be sad about it.
Also, we are trying to make the HUGE decision of whether to grow our family. For months we have thought that we would start to try in March. Well now that March is close, I guess I'm getting cold feet about it. Because of growing up most of my life without a mother and not having that model, good or bad, I feel like I'm flying blind while parenting. I take a little advice from here and there, use my instincts and pray to God I am not screwing up my kids. I put a lot of pressure on myself that probably doesn't need to be there. I mean just today I watched a movie with the kids, read them about 6-8 childrens books, played a game of Twister, did some lessons on spelling 3 letter words and went on a drive. The craziness says I need to play more games, do more things with them. Like I could spend every second doing things with thm and it wasn't enough. I think it must be like those stories you hear when kids aren't fed much in a bad family, and in the foster family they gorge themselves and horde food. I think maybe because I didn't have all this attention growing up that I stress about giving my kids enough. Somedays I probably give them too much!!! There are days that I burn out and give them little and plop them in front of the TV. That was my life everyday as a kid. Like everything, I know it's about balance.
So that, plus the idea that gaining weight after trying to lose it would be quite annoying and then kind of setting the clock back another 5 years. (The twins will be 5 in June). Hubby is 40 and I'm 35 so we have a little time yet, but ... oh...I don't know.
Anyhow...we'll see what the weigh in tomorrow is...I don't expect much either way, but it could be a little either way. :) Have a great day!
Nothing wrong per se... always dealing with the sadness of my upbringing. A cousin of mine posted a picture of when she and I were babies, she 1, me probably 2 1/2. I have no pictures of me at this age. Apparently, when my mother left she took all those pictures. And my dad didn't really take many. I need to ask my aunts to send some to me. Then I won't have to be sad about it.
Also, we are trying to make the HUGE decision of whether to grow our family. For months we have thought that we would start to try in March. Well now that March is close, I guess I'm getting cold feet about it. Because of growing up most of my life without a mother and not having that model, good or bad, I feel like I'm flying blind while parenting. I take a little advice from here and there, use my instincts and pray to God I am not screwing up my kids. I put a lot of pressure on myself that probably doesn't need to be there. I mean just today I watched a movie with the kids, read them about 6-8 childrens books, played a game of Twister, did some lessons on spelling 3 letter words and went on a drive. The craziness says I need to play more games, do more things with them. Like I could spend every second doing things with thm and it wasn't enough. I think it must be like those stories you hear when kids aren't fed much in a bad family, and in the foster family they gorge themselves and horde food. I think maybe because I didn't have all this attention growing up that I stress about giving my kids enough. Somedays I probably give them too much!!! There are days that I burn out and give them little and plop them in front of the TV. That was my life everyday as a kid. Like everything, I know it's about balance.
So that, plus the idea that gaining weight after trying to lose it would be quite annoying and then kind of setting the clock back another 5 years. (The twins will be 5 in June). Hubby is 40 and I'm 35 so we have a little time yet, but ... oh...I don't know.
Anyhow...we'll see what the weigh in tomorrow is...I don't expect much either way, but it could be a little either way. :) Have a great day!
Monday, January 11, 2010
Stocked Up
I am feeling a bit more clear headed today although my knee still hurts a tad. I am trying to decide what is the best course of exercise today.
I realized too that yesterday we were low on food choices since I try to grocery shop on Mondays and I'm trying to be more frugal and use up what we have. I tend to buy a lot and then it sits on the shelves. So we've been eating what's available. Thankfully, for the most part, what was available are things I won't binge on, like Tuna Fish and soup. But I got a snacking urge and had no good food to choose from. All's well today since the first thing this morning we headed out for groceries. I need to be aware when the cupboards need stocking to prevent future incidents of body destruction via food. My favorite snacking items? Fruit (although I am trying to not have more than 2 a day), Fiber One Bars - (The Walmart brand is good too) and sometimes crackers or pretzels. I'm pretty simplistic.
Having an official weigh in day is a little hard for me. I'm still checking at home, but I live in this fear that when Friday rolls around it is going to be more. Completely bogus thinking for sure, but that's my brain.
Have a great day!
I realized too that yesterday we were low on food choices since I try to grocery shop on Mondays and I'm trying to be more frugal and use up what we have. I tend to buy a lot and then it sits on the shelves. So we've been eating what's available. Thankfully, for the most part, what was available are things I won't binge on, like Tuna Fish and soup. But I got a snacking urge and had no good food to choose from. All's well today since the first thing this morning we headed out for groceries. I need to be aware when the cupboards need stocking to prevent future incidents of body destruction via food. My favorite snacking items? Fruit (although I am trying to not have more than 2 a day), Fiber One Bars - (The Walmart brand is good too) and sometimes crackers or pretzels. I'm pretty simplistic.
Having an official weigh in day is a little hard for me. I'm still checking at home, but I live in this fear that when Friday rolls around it is going to be more. Completely bogus thinking for sure, but that's my brain.
Have a great day!
Sunday, January 10, 2010
Feeding a Cold
I know this really doesn't work, but somewhere it is hidden in my psyche...to fight a cold, eat! So today has not been very good food wise. I'm stuffed up, didn't sleep well last night and just felt that eating would help make it better. It's hard to explain that my emotions weren't completely tied up in it....it was more of a mechanical response that I realized was happening but really didn't think I should try to stop it. Of course I didn't feel any better after those cookies.... I need to reprogram this part of my brain. I don't get sick very often, so I'm not surprised that I haven't thought about my response when this happens.
On top of the cold, I woke up with a very sore knee. It was kneecap pain which takes me by surprise because I didn't hit the knee at all yesterday. It could be the cold and change from moist air to super dry air. It could be the squats or jumping jacks from the 30 day shred. I don't know. I just don't like it! I know some of my readers are dealing with a lot more severe pain then what I've got, and I don't want to be a cry baby. Just really don't want a determent.
Hopefully tomorrow I feel better.
On top of the cold, I woke up with a very sore knee. It was kneecap pain which takes me by surprise because I didn't hit the knee at all yesterday. It could be the cold and change from moist air to super dry air. It could be the squats or jumping jacks from the 30 day shred. I don't know. I just don't like it! I know some of my readers are dealing with a lot more severe pain then what I've got, and I don't want to be a cry baby. Just really don't want a determent.
Hopefully tomorrow I feel better.
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